Teenage Musings

The world’s light has set in the west

Above the horizon lies a plant in a cloud

The ground shook and it all came crashing down around us

The buildings, the monuments, the parks, the roofs, life: life itself came crashing down

They cowered in fear: Afraid of death.

But death is not what they fear.

It is judgement that they fear. The fear of being lost to nothing more than a memory in time.

But with time memories fade as well.

That is what they fear.

SHe grabbed my hand as the buildings fell.

With the pressure she applied, I knew it was the end.

She she a tear and closed her eyes forever.

We fell to the ground and became nothing more than a memory.

Explaining how I got into this predicament would probably be best. Hell, explaining what this predicament is would probably also be of service to you. By this point you don’t know who I am nor do you know what I did. While it may be hard to follow, try and keep up and you too will see how I became untitled.

December 12 2009, Tokyo Japan

My wife just got home from work and there I was, sitting on the couch, pants down around my ankles, beating off to cable porn. It was a sad state of affairs really. My wife hadn’t spoken to me in months and I gave up trying to figure out why. Well, I do know why. I had lost my job after the war began. There was no money left in the country and our project had failed far more than they had anticipated resulting in them cutting it all together. We were history.

I worked in what’s known of Section16 of the Pentagon. The Pentagon, having five sides is divided into five different sections. Each section is essentially a slice of pie of the entire building. Within each section exist 3 subsections totaling 15 sections in the entire building. The 16^th section was located underground, beneath all of the nonsense government projects on the floors above. Our job was simple: Protect those who mattered. Underneath the building was a labyrinth of secret tunnels that went all over the country. In the event of a disaster our job was to take the important officials of the country and move them through this network of underground tunnels to an undisclosed location and have them live out their lives there. The point of it all was to pretend as though they were dead. Wipe them out. Lead the enemy to believe that there was no more and then strike them when they least expect it.

The war began about six months ago and at the time we were hit hard. The alarm sounded in my bunker, where I sat day in and day out waiting for something to happen. I had been there for nine years and not a peep. The alarm startled me and I hopped up from my chair and went to my assigned post. The president whisked past me with two armed guards leading the way. I followed suit. I grabbed my rifle and a picture of my daughter and headed down the hall. We arrived to the train that lay at the end of the tunnel and all four of us boarded.

We traveled for three days by rail. The trick was, no one was supposed to know where the train was going except the driver. When he signed up for the job he knew the end of the rail was just that, the end. He was given a cyanide pill to swallow upon arrival. The location was to be completely secret and the president wasn’t to leave the compound we had arrived at until “they” were ready for him. And if they never need him, he wouldn’t know. As far as he was concerned, he was to live his life out forever at his new house. The train pulled up to the station at around 11 in the morning. It stopped and we knew what the driver had done.

“Mr. President” I said.

With a long pause, he knew what he had to do. He took his small briefcase and stepped off. We followed him out into the world and made sure he settled into his new home alright. Considering it was barren for miles and miles in any direction we had faith he’d be safe. At that point we radioed in a black hawk helicopter to bring us home. The helicopter pilots had cyanide as well. The unusual thing was, we weren’t given any type of “kill yourself” instructions like the others were. From the air we knew exactly where the president was. We were a security threat as well so why didn’t they kill us off as well? Why were we allowed to know where the president was? At the time it confused me. But now…..now I know why.

We arrived back at base and considering it was the “end” of a nation, I was told to pack up and move out. My job was done. I had protected the one and only man left that mattered and now they didn’t need me. Everything was gone, and I had nothing left in the U.S. to live for. My family and I received my final compensation and relocation check and we moved to Tokyo, which is where I am now. What I didn’t realize when I moved though is that they hadn’t really finished with me. I wasn’t done. I was still a pawn in a much greater game.

September 17, 2019

As I sit in my newly remodeled Tokyo office, perched above 34 other floors, I hear a knock on the door. A well-dressed businesswoman cautiously steps in. Considering I’m the only white man left in the building I understand her hesitance. With broken English she recites a rehearsed line in a slightly muffled tone. “Mr. Marx, your tax will arrive shortly.” To which I reply “Thank you Kura.” She hastily leaves almost slamming the door on her fingers on the way out.

I step up from my desk and run my fingers along the oak from which it was made. A cool chill runs down my spine. I sling my jacket over my shoulder and step outside of the office only to be greeted with a cold silence from all of the other cubicle dwellers that plague the office. With their heads perked up above their makeshift walls they stare in what seems to be awe. I’m baffled by this attempt to “welcome” me to my new job. Perhaps it’s my color, perhaps it’s my stature, perhaps it’s my unshaven face. Whatever it may be, I sure as hell don’t feel welcome here.

My descent down the elevator brings back haunting memories from my childhood of when I was about 9 or 10. My mother had left me in the toyshop in the mall to go off and do a few errands on the lower floors. After a few minutes I had become bored and wandered off down the path that lined the two outer edges of the floor. My mother had told me not to wander off but unfortunately, considering my age, it was inevitable. I made my way to the service elevator tucked behind a door at the backend of the mall. As the creaky doors swung open I stepped on. They shut behind me and I was left there, alone, in the elevator. For some unlucky reason the power shorted out in the entire mall and now I was stranded in a large hunk of metal that seemed impenetrable. I cried myself to sleep and woke up in the arms of a fireman what I thought to be 4 hours later. Now here I am again, afraid in an elevator, the only mode of transport up and down these tall office complexes, and on the verge of crying. Me, a 54-year-old man crying? I shudder at the thought. “Jesus Chris, get a hold of yourself.” I think.

A black taxi pulls up briskly to the curb and I step in. Without speaking very much Japanese I hand the driver my ID badge and the address of the café. Without hesitating he puts his foot to the floor and we’re off. We blaze by innumerable amounts of cars not to be stopped by any police. We were obviously breaking the law but no one seemed to care. Perhaps the urgency of my meeting with the Mr. Allen was severely underestimated.

Without warning we had arrived and a hand swiftly unlocked my door, revealing me to the outside world and the cameras perched high in the corner. Cameras were standard these days. I didn’t think they’d find their way to Tokyo but they did. At that moment in time, as I made eye contact with the camera’s lens, which made contact with a television screen downtown, which inevitably made contact with a young police officer’s eyes downtown I knew that while he didn’t know who I was nor did I know who he was, we were both in for a rude awakening. Probably his first week out of the academy and now he was there, watching me, the most wanted man in the world. Little did he know what awaited me inside of that café. Hell, little did I know what awaited me inside.

“If music be the food of love, play on.”

-Twelfth Night

I don’t think this quote needs much explanation. Make what you will of it.

Well we have word, Obama is going to be the democratic candidate. Some say his race plays a large part of whether or not he gets elected. I like to have more faith in people than that. Sure he’s a different color than some, but that shouldn’t matter. I believe we all have the power within us to support someone no matter his/her gender, race, or background simply because they are human, nothing more.

The human form is often cherished when it lacks clothes. Depending on your sexual preference you either prefer men or women in the nude but when you really look into it, their lack of clothing isn’t really fantastic at all. We are all human and we are all essentially the same and the embarrassment felt by some because their form isn’t quite up to par with everyone else’s is sad. We shouldn’t be ashamed of the way we look nor should be cherish the nude form of others. Perhaps we are attracted to others because of the mystery that surrounds their true form and we can’t see it. Perhaps we see beauty in the perfect nature of their curves and waves. Or maybe it’s all just a figment of our imagination. We cannot deny our primal instincts but we can at least question them. Why do we enjoy seeing others naked? It’s all very trivial really. We’re all the same and while women cherish their features, they’re no different than anyone else. We are all people and once we start realizing that we’ll be able to truly appreciate our fellow man and realize that we’re all the same and no one man is better than the man before him.

“Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts.”

- Albert Einstein

In the final days before the SATs I’ve realized my own inability to succeed on standardized tests. I do well on the mathematics section but the reading sections I’m completely stumped on. Tests are no way to judge a persons ability or intellect. I’ve decided, perhaps in my fear of doing terribly on the SATs, that tests are useless and are in no way, shape, or form beneficial to someone. As Albert Einstein says, not everything in this world that matters can be measured in a statistical fashion, nor can grades measure your intelligence and not everything that is counted necessarily matters in the larger scheme of things. There are greater worries than tests and the numbers that represent your final outcome don’t mean a damn thing.

“To conquer one’s self is a greater task than conquering others”

- Buddha

While I think religion is outdated and that many people who are religious are quite foolish, I respect a lot of principles and ideas that Buddhism is founded upon. Here for instance we have a fantastic quote. We often times get caught up with trying to please others and understand the way their mind works without actually ever trying to understand ourselves. You must understand yourself and realize your own potential before you spend time worrying about the ordeals and problems that others face. You are your own challenge. To overcome your mind is one of the greatest achievements any man can hope to achieve in his lifetime. You must free your mind and body and soul all together in order to truly say you have conquered yourself.

But what does “conquer” mean? Well it means that instead of living life just merely for the sake of living, you must overcome the boundaries that make us just that, human. You must understand compassion and the ability to think freely. You must break free of the back and forth sway of the everyday and inform yourself of right and wrong to become a better person and not just merely listen and become another lost sheep in this world.

“A friend to all is a friend to none. “

-Aristotle

We look around and see people that are “friends” with everyone and we wonder to ourselves, “how?” Well these people that have many friends aren’t really friends with any of them. My grandfather used to say “If you can lie on your death bed and count your true friends on one hand, you’ve done damn well.” The truth is, many of us don’t have as many friends as we think. We have many acquaintances but  maybe only one or two people that will be by our side no matter what. You have to try and find those people that aren’t just companions for a night out at the movies, but rather people that will accompany you to the fair and listen to you if you have a problem. But friendship is dangerous, you have to watch out for the people that are using you for their own self gain. At the end of the day your only true friend is yourself.

“When the winds of change are blowing some men build shelters while others build windmills.”

-Chinese Proverb

A lot of people become stuck in the past as they live their lives. They forget that change is happening all around them at every moment of the day. Those that choose not to follow the change are the ones that inevitably get left behind. While the changes in technology are the first types of change that come to mind, they’re not the only ones. Our change as a species and as a society is quite a prominent change as well. Those who wish to stay in the past will be left in the past and those who choose to move into the future will stay in the present. It is those who think outside the norm and those that think differently than the rest of society that is moving in one, predictable direction, that will truly change. They are the the innovators that, perhaps through natural selection, will eventually bring our species to new heights. We cannot resist change, nor can we avoid it. It’s a part of living and that is something we must all do.